There are aspects of our lives of which we constantly hide from others.  Hide because we are afraid, ashamed, embarrassed or something else.

I realized that with a lot of people I only express my surface self.  With other people, closer friends, I let go of a few vulnerabilities by showing a deeper side of this matt simpson.  But how deep do I show?  It amazes me that when it comes down to it, God is the only one who truly knows who I am, knows every detail of my very being!

Why do we hide these vulnerabilities?  What do we cling on to and lock up deep inside and never share?  Are we even aware of some of the things we hide of our true selves because we’ve kept them locked up for so long?  Having realized this I pray and I hope that I can say goodbye to fear and embarrassment and be my true self with EVERYONE I meet.  This world I live in, the culture, media, people, skews my mind into thinking I should only express certain things, I should only wear certain clothes, I should only speak a certain way about certain things.  Who AM I?  I know who I think I am but is there more to me?  Have I lost touch and forgotten something I’ve not expressed in so long?

I’m curious if anyone else has thought about this or what you think of this now that you’ve read it.  I’m not concerned, simply intrigued.  I’m also not disapointed in who I am, far from it, God has given me courage and guidance to live free of a lot of cages.

side note / fyi: saw the new transformers movie tonight and forget whatever reviews you read, it is a 5 star guarentee! awesome movie, much better than the first and I recommend it for all.  It does have more language in it and a little bit of sexual connotations but they are not untasteful or the like.  I thoroughly enjoyed it   Best movie I’ve seen this year for sure.

I was driving home today and there was a huge storm all around me, lightning everywhere, very intense lightning, but it was not raining or windy around me.  It reminded me of where I am at in life right now, this insane storm around me changing every second of the day, yet I still had strength, courage and guidance.  God has put his hand in my life and I have seen it more magnified in the past week and a half then ever.  It’s amazing how safe we are in his hands and how trust is so very hard sometimes, yet has such an overwhelming return.  God is awesome!

Lately I’ve been feeling like things have been crashing down all around me.  Yet, at the same time I feel I have been settling it all in better position than they were before, protected.  Life moves so very fast that once you stop and look at everything going on around you, you realize that this is beyond you, something bigger is in the works and helping you through it all.

In the last week and a half I was in an accident where my car was totaled, I’ve made an offer on my first house, I’ve been given the opportunity to fly up to Penn State for a 3rd interview on site for a fantastic job and I’ve met a girl beyond my dreams.  All of this while I was sick and feeling physically terrible.

No one was sent to the hospital from the accident, thank God.  I don’t have a bruise on my body, not even an ache from the accident, yet looking at my car it seems I should be paralyzed or not even breathing.  Insurance is working beautifully and my loan is taken care of.  This has created an opportunity to buy a better car for less than my previous loan balance.

My housing search and pre approval went flawlessly and I found a house I am absolutely in love with, perfect location, perfect potential, perfect timing.

If I wrote a profile of the company I would like to work for, the company for this job has hit all points.  If I get this job, I would be programming from home for an increase in pay, for a company I absolutely love in a great team environment.

I thank God for protecting me and giving me strength to push forward through all this, and knowing he has plan for all of this makes me feel at peace.

I’ve been getting vibes both external and internal telling me to PICK UP THAT BLOG AND BLOG. And I’m happy to come back and start journaling again.

This is a shorter entry cause I gotta jet in a few, but just wanted to commence the blog’ness.

I went to my first Second Saturday today and enjoyed it immensely. Second Saturday is an event put on through my church, Windsor Crossing, that takes place every second Saturday of the month from 815 – 2ish. We go to u-city and help improve the city by fixing up houses, cleaning up the area, making time for conversation with those in need and reaching out to the community. I have not done much volunteering at any church so this was a big step for me. I’ve always considered myself an active church member, but I suppose that was limited to going to groups and meeting people and hanging out. I feel I’m making a transformation where the world doesn’t revolve around me, where my life is an instrument, and I am not the dictator anymore! I feel that God is moving the pieces into place and positioning me and I’m super excited to see what happens and what we can do.

Peace out

So tonight just happens to be one of those nights where I cannot sleep at all! I have been in my bed for about 1 and half hours trying to sleep and… nothing.

So – My church is entering a very intriguing topic – the song of solomon.

how did the world we live in become so corrupt of the essence of love? When did we lose touch and become so far away from the truth and meaning and practice? I hope that I can overcome the ‘normal’ of today’s society when it comes down to it and follow my heart and my morals; and what is right and not what the world tells me is right. I weap for the world but am joyful in the world all at the same time. I believe we live in a real time / current / conscious paradox.