There are aspects of our lives of which we constantly hide from others. Hide because we are afraid, ashamed, embarrassed or something else.
I realized that with a lot of people I only express my surface self. With other people, closer friends, I let go of a few vulnerabilities by showing a deeper side of this matt simpson. But how deep do I show? It amazes me that when it comes down to it, God is the only one who truly knows who I am, knows every detail of my very being!
Why do we hide these vulnerabilities? What do we cling on to and lock up deep inside and never share? Are we even aware of some of the things we hide of our true selves because we’ve kept them locked up for so long? Having realized this I pray and I hope that I can say goodbye to fear and embarrassment and be my true self with EVERYONE I meet. This world I live in, the culture, media, people, skews my mind into thinking I should only express certain things, I should only wear certain clothes, I should only speak a certain way about certain things. Who AM I? I know who I think I am but is there more to me? Have I lost touch and forgotten something I’ve not expressed in so long?
I’m curious if anyone else has thought about this or what you think of this now that you’ve read it. I’m not concerned, simply intrigued. I’m also not disapointed in who I am, far from it, God has given me courage and guidance to live free of a lot of cages.
side note / fyi: saw the new transformers movie tonight and forget whatever reviews you read, it is a 5 star guarentee! awesome movie, much better than the first and I recommend it for all. It does have more language in it and a little bit of sexual connotations but they are not untasteful or the like. I thoroughly enjoyed it 
Best movie I’ve seen this year for sure.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Oh Matt, that really hits deep – it took till I was in college to truly be ‘in the moment’ with people and that started to allow me to be more transparent because I was focusing more on the moment and what that person was saying – not thinking about what was next or stuff about me. To truly be vulnerable we really have to be selfless and let others to “see” into us (true intimacy = into me see) without other distractions in the way (thinking of those other distractions is only one more aspect of what you were already talking about – which I totally agree with – just wanted to add this too). I’ve known a few people in my life where they seemed so transparent that it was scary. When Rob and I met it was like that too – but our intensities matched and only drew us into each other more instead of making the other person ‘run’ away. You know the kind of people that seem to see right through you with their eyes? Amazing. The eyes are the true window into the soul. If I can’t truly focus on someone I take a ‘God sized’ check of my insides and wonder what am I hiding? What’s in the dark that needs to see the light?
July 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I really like your graphics-the people greyed out and then you. Really a great picture. I’ve often wondered if I’m a conglomerate of everyone I’ve met, experiences I’ve had, etc or am I a real, individual, unique and “created”. Don’t you wonder what we’ll be like in heaven when we’re as God created us to be. I really want to see Grandma Pearl. I always prayed for her to be freer. It will be interesting. How bound up am I? How real am I? I like to think I’m real and open but only God knows me-like you said. Again-I loved your art work pic.
August 5th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I think we all have lost part of who we are because we live in a fallen, broken world where things are not as they were meant to be. I appreciate seeing parts of the real side of matt simpson in our conversation. Stay focused on Christ in everything you do and His truth and will for your life will give you rest in who He’s made you.
Philippians 4:7
7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.